So as I was on day 4 (possibly 5) of my latest work trip, I was driving from Drumheller to Calgary after another Consumer Event. It was dark, my eyes are not great, and despite our 'distracted driving' laws in AB The classic David Letterman top ten list kept running through my head; Sales Manager style. So I called upon my dear friend (yet slightly hearing challenged) Siri to help me remember them via dictation and this is what I came up with:
The top 10 things I discovered on my latest excursion to Southern, Sunny, Windy Alberta:
Rule number one: Never, ever, ever, ever trust Apple maps (unless of course you prefer dead ends, wrong turns, closed roads and gravel roads and are behind schedule)
Rule number two: the Strathmore Starbucks always opens tomorrow. Regardless of when tomorrow is. I should know as I was there the day before. sigh.
Rule number three: driving at night during harvest is like stepping into a Stephen King novel. Lone headlight off in the field, dust swirling across the field looks more like fog and an eerie glow takes shape. SO glad I was in my car and didn't need to stop for an emergency pee.
Nazis I tell ya, my tire is behind the while faded, barely discernible line (while parking) and I got a ticket. sigh.
Rule number four: Even in this modern day and age there are still dead cell phone areas in southern Alberta (just ask Sheralyn - can you hear me now????)
Rule number five (and probably the most important): given the option, the 8 ounce glass of wine is so much better than 5 ounce, just ask Larissa!
Rule number six: Comments like "I am so done with you people!" said with enthusiastic hand gestures should be kept to myself!
Rule number seven: Trafalgar Road trips in Alberta are fueled by Starbucks and wine (for clarification just ask Wolf about my expense report: Starbucks, Starbucks, Wine Store. Starbucks).....
Rule number nine: I forget at the moment, it's been a 16 hour day and things are getting fuzzy without aforementioned fuel.
Rule number 10: (hash tag) I truly have no life during launch season!
Ah, but then my brain had moments of clarity (Husky in Drumheller actually has a decent drip coffee should you ever need BTW)
Rule number nine: Applesauce and yogurt can be eaten like a drink if you don't have a spoon during times of crisis, but remember to lick out the last dribble or pay the price. (see photo)
Yup, when drinking pomegranate applesauce make sure you get ALL of it.
But then as pleased as punch I was with myself and my random thoughts, I had another 45 minutes to go still, so I came up with a few (shall we call them P.S. top 10) more:
Rule number 11: As much as I hate to admit it, distracted driving laws are there for a reason. Just saying. FYI no animals were harmed in the realization of that statement. Don't ask.
Rule Number 12: Looking for the right restaurant in the wrong city is normal thought process for sales managers, just ask Brad and Sheena. (Why Can't I find Tiffany's in Lethbridge? Why? Oh wait, it's in Red Deer. What city am I in again?)
Rule Number 13: The definition of drunk driving in Alberta is a 90 km head/crosswind, exhausted arms just trying to stay on the road. No officer I've not been drinking, other than Starbucks (wine is later)
Rule Number 14: Never, ever, ever trust the parking officers in Lethbridge. If you expire by 30 seconds they will ticket you. Trust me. Repeatedly. I swear they are little elves dressed in building camo, hiding in wait. You can't see them UNTIL they are writing the ticket. Oh and apparently parking 'outside' of the lines, even if you did put enough money in is still reason to get a ticket. grumble......
Rule Number 15: Don't wear dresses in Lethbridge (where it's generally incredible, spectacularly windy) unless you want to pull off a Marilyn Monroe. In the AMA parking lot. In front of an elderly gentlemen. In a thong.
And last but not least, a few observations during my lack of caffeine, lack of alcohol and lack of sleep on the last 20 minutes of my drive home that night:
Observation #1: While I know this isn't physically possible, after spending $1500 to have my front suspension fixed, I think my mechanics put a governor in it as once I go past 120 kph my car starts to shimmy and I have to slow down (hypothetically of course)
Observation #2: Highway nine is definitely the best place to practice your JT dance moves in the car. Because damn baby you look good doing it! (for those of you not in the know JT: hash tag Justine Timberlake)
Observation #3: You can play your boyfriend's song multiple times since you are the only one in the car. For those of you that don't know, my boyfriend is Adam from Maroon 5 (but just don't tell Eric Northman!)
Observation #4: Waking up in my own house, in my own bed, with my 2 furballs purring and having a cup of 'cowboy' coffee in my own mug while sitting on my own couch in my own purple fuzzy housecoat alone is bliss. (Especially after a 1800km road trip)